This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
