i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
