I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
