I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
