god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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