What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
