From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
