Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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