last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
