when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
