Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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