Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
