I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
