Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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