I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
