Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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