don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
