my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Randomize
