i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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