Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
