Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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