i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
