first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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