i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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