The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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