I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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