He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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