There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
