marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
