and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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