I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
