I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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