You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
