it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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