Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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