Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
