Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
