So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
