One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
