I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
