This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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