Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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