I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
