Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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