It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
