i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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