I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
