Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
