What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is Oprah even human
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
