I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
pray to the hookup gods
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
